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Third day working at tuition center. Think Im adapting to environment. Made frenz with the trs, esp NIE trs. Young trs.. Had supper with them jus now.. Great to meet frenly trs, at least things arent that harsh which I might have thought in e beginning. Karen praised me after doing some of her work well. Thou felt v happy but I know I shldnt be complacent. Got to cont n be more hard working n efficient in order to win her trust. I really hope I can adapt n get things done well esp for e sorting out of their worksheets. Heez.. No work tml & thur. Fri is tr's day... I only need to go back to sort out e papers n I can go off. Whoo! Cool. Aha! Anyway, considering to carry on working for him even if sch resumes. Juz hope my timetable is able compromise e timing. Aha!
Was asked by them if I was attached and now I'm flashing about e past. Gd & Bad memories. But when Im back to e present, I'll start dreaming abt that charming guy...Whoo!!! aha...Anyway, keen to see him in sch again. Aha!!! Things can be so interesting when u are attracted to someone yet u wouldnt want to know him n befrenz with him. Aha. I guess being distance away from him will be e best. At least it wont hurt this way. Heez
Sunday, August 27, 2006
The world is improving very fast. Steps in this world is quicken... Especially, singapore. It's getting more stress due to political, social, economic & individual reasons. Stress is not a suprising issue in individuals ard, but it's shocking or suprised to me kids at e age of 3.5 yrs are already stressed up by parents. I went for work today. Special week, dun work on e weekends usually. Anyway, today's lessons are mostly for pre- kids for pri 1 or those as young as 3.5yrs. haiz.. Feel so sad...My bro might need to undergo these too. I'm sure all parents wants e best for their child. So as I was looking after those little kids, I starting thinking of my bro. I missed him. Thus, felt great as I was on my way home. HOWEVER! he was slping when I got back home. sad...aha!!! Anyway, I hope I will work there will be fine cuz I do feel alittle of pressure here n there.
My laz paper for exam was statistics. Guess what? The arrangement was made in a sense that he was sitting right beside me! Which he? my fren? NO! A stranger but a stranger whom I always drool at. Aha! jk. Jus felt that he's v v v charming. Frenz agreed too ok! O man...but he's no e reason causing me to go blank lah...I was too nervous. In fact, I felt so happy inside me to be sitted with him. God! aha... Thou we have piorities in life, but feelings cant be avoided. O god... was electric shocked by him...aha!!!!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Yeah! Let's party! Whoo!!! Last paper today.. Statistics. My fav module yet caused me e most stress and raised up to a v high tension n anxiety level. aha! Seemed like I was about to die since laz nite till this morning. Aha! Guess I was just expecting too much for myself. In fact I aim to get a distinction for my statistics but I guess to be able to pass is more import to me now. Aha! Anyway! What is import now is to really pamper n chill myself now! Planning to meet liling tml. Hope to get some clothes..Heez.. n ya...most import is to get my hair fixed. It seemed to me like a withered hair. Messy and uneven. Need trimming! aha... Do hope to catch up a movie too. Cuz there's this humorous love story up today. Wish to watch that...Heez.. Anyway...Lliling its jus a nod from u tt I need. I dont mind treating u, jus need ya acc. Heez.
Hmm. Had an interview jus now. Very successful jus now. He confirmed me right away. He's a nice boss. I guess definately better than e previous one. However, it takes time to see more in him. So ya... Let time bring me to a new environment. Hope to learn e neccessary skills asap n tt I can be efficient. Heez!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Have been haunted by night mares lately. Not about anything there doesn't exist in this world but abt things happened in e past of my life. Things which I have regretted. I feel miserable when it came back to me in my dreams. It disturbs me when I'm sleeping. I haven't been able to sleep well n early lately. Is it bcuz of e stress I'm facing lately bcuz of exams or I just can't get out of that shell n forgive myself? Aha.. What I'm saying gives an impression that I have done something against e law or is unenthical. However, it nothing abt that. It's about something abt my soul, my sin against my belief. I've sinned, God. Sorry.
2 yrs have passed already but e hurts n scars are still on me. How can I ever forget every single feelings n situations of e past? Why did I do such things to myself? I don't love myself at all. I've always scold women tt are foolish as I watch tv drama but I myself had a dull past too. Who m I to scold then? I know what's e past is e past. Let e past behind, n cont. striving on with ur life. I'm only 17 now, n back then i was only 15. God. What a young gal in e past actually did things hurting herself. Well..I guess this is e reason for all of my acts of protecting myself now? One of e fatal way of hurting oneself is to get into relationship at e moment, thus I kept myself away from these stuffs. Even how much I might fancy someone, this nightmares never make me to be my real self. Hence, I have told myself, what I have to do now is to go towards my dreams. Work hard to achieve my desired job n position. I want to be successful career woman even thou I have failed in other areas. I will also work hard to be a fillal daughter. So I'm going to find a job during my 1 month holiday. Hoping to use this $ to go for a short & relaxing trip with jus my mum. All expenses & travelling tickets all on me. But from e v start...I need a job! Aha. Got to look out then...who would want someone who only work for a mth? aha!
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Saw the shots jus now for next week details. God.. Season shied tt blow by zhijian for her father. O no! Means both died together? Haiz...Well.. Something is really true! Greed of Money, frame n power is really fatal. Haiz. Felt rather sad. Season resort to all ways jus to protect her father's IMG company. She lost her lover n even gave "herself" to zhijian. O man! Woman... Pretty woman..Dangerous. U never know on which day, which moment this pretty woman whom u though u are taking advantage of turn e other way n eat u up.. So never believe in pretty woman. Aha!
These 2 days have been preparing materials for my tuition gal. This week will be e laz week for her tuition cuz I ahve been giving her double lessons constantly. Think she needs some rest and time for her common test next week n I also need time to do my on revision. Having my econs paper this fri. Hope to do well. Thou haven been studying much over the weekends, but I will work hard n be focus during these 4 days. N ya...work hard on my dieting plan! Aha..
Friday, August 11, 2006
Your actions and words arent equal. U r e very top woman whom I respect most. E one n only who loves me n gives up lots jus to raise me up as a single parent. However, there is one thing which I start scolding in my heart whenever I hear abt it. I know it's normal for we humans to not have the same meaning in our words n actions. So well.. Things are contridictory.
She has moved out from our house for quite a few yrs already. You have also said tt u have give up hope on her n is thoroughly disappointed with her but u dun show it in ur actions. U still get angry with her..U still do things for her... U still think of her...talk abt her. I'm not being jealous of a younger gal whom caused me so much of nitemares in my past. It's just.. U r my mum n how wud I feel if someone isnt treating u well or rather mistreating u? She abuses e love n care u have for her. She doesnt appreciate not touched after ur sacrifice n everything even after 5 yrs. She became rebellious n doesnt even care abt anyone in our HENG family. What she only care is her beauty, boyfrenz and luxury goods. I know how import is family ties but dont go overboard anymore if she doesnt even apprecaited n even tk it for granted. U still talk abt her when we went grandma's she on national day. U still get angry with her over tking u for granted when she wanted u n dad to carry tons n heavy stuffs to her "palace" (to me..Pig sty). Worst still there wasnt lift. Ok, I was angry at tt moment too but so what? When u talk abt it tt day with gm I felt irritated when topic was on HER. She is still special to u in ur heart but matters concerning her has died in my heart. I'm tired of hearing stuffs regarding her.
What is done is done. The more u say, e more worst it becomes.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
First day of my study week. Well..Although I have to go back to sch on thur but well at least I don't for these 2 days. Aha. So stayed up late with my little bro till 2am laz nite to watch his kids vcd. It's all of my maid's fault. He wanted to slp at 5pm but she didnt allow. Instead she brought him for a bath. She then tried to divert his attention with is toys. However. mHe coudnt tk it ard 8pm while we were watching a movie dvd show. Guess what? He woke up at 10pm! so my mum wanted to teach my maid a lesson for not listening to her after telling her so many times. So ya.. We purposely watched it in e living room... She couldnt slp! Aha.. Kkz...Brought my bro down for a walk jus now. Kids are really active. Up and down. Got to carry him almst thru out. my arms n back are like aching now. Got to pay my mum's bills thru SAM machine while carrying him n worst still it failed 4 times. Aha!! Ok..but overal felt so gd.. I used my free day wif gd use. Althou I have not studied today but it feels great to do something for my bro n have some private time with him. Heez... But passer by though he's my son I guess. They gaf a weird expreesion.aha!!
Sunday, August 06, 2006
My weekend is over. Over again. Haiz... Weekends are always so short. Sigh. Aha! Same here. Didn't study on sat. Gave tuition, watch my recorded show n thenw ent j8 wif parents for dinner. After dinner, we went shopping at our fav store! Popular bookstore. Aha! Bought 2 new novels by my fav author. Preparing to read it after my exams during my holidays. Heez. Hmm. Today went to e church. Haiz. Witness my bro flying all e bench. Haiz. He got a shock till he couldnt cry. My mum was crying instead. Haiz. Lucky he's ok.So ya. Got home n slept till 4pm! aha. Got up n do some notes tking for my econs n watched tv almst e whole nite. Aha.
Today's channel 8 show abt season... Han Zhijian is a horrible n heartless creature. I shan't call him a human anymore cuz e shots showed tt he killed his one n only RELATIVE bcuz of money n power. Is the greed of power n money that fatal? It changes someone's character, doings and thinkings. He was a guy who loved season alot in e past. However, he chose money instead of love. Hence, he married le er for her fortune. He did more than jus toying le er's feelings. He killed her brother, mother n causing her father to be paralysed. Haiz. I like season's character. A very independent and strong woman. Most import, knows how to stand thru politics prob. Alrite. Let's discuss abt e greed of power n money.
When ppl are greedy towards power and money, they tend to go stray and get it by hook or crook if they cant get it thru proper channel. How sadding is this fact. I guess this are extreme cases in which ppl no longer thinks normally. Althou power n money is v import in this world, but there's always more than tt tt we shld pursue. There is happiness, love n peace. Instead of having a tough life fighting with people n politics prob, y cant we jus pursue something else? Well. Although Im someone who have high aims n ambitions too but I do aim for peace n happiness too. W/o peace n happiness in our lives, what's e use of possessing high powers or becoming a millionaire Besides, it definately feels lonely too when there isnt someone out there for us to share our happines with. Well. In conclusion, I think that being balance in all is e best. Althou It's tough to achieve but I feel tt that's e reason we have to get e ball of our lives rolling on n on. Thank you. Aha!!! Table topic. Aha!
Friday, August 04, 2006
Lessons are ending, Exams are approaching. How's my preparation already? Hummp. Half pass 6. Haiz.. Do feel scared but I'm really tired. I feel so drained especially physically. How to go on?.. haiz.. Hmm. I must hold on till e laz paper of my exam and then leave sp for a short holiday trip. Maybe a relaxing trip not shopping one. Aha... Best is spa resort. Whoo! aha. Thinking too much. Hmm. Seriously, I want to go on MIA. I don't want to get in tact with people n things ard me for time being. I'm tired. One of my fren told me.." Even though if u might not like tt person or even if u r v sad n angry, don't show it out." I ask:" isn't that very fake?" He replied" This world is fake. To be fake too is the way to live n kick on in this world". True tt he sees lots in this world bcuz of his age but I dont really want to be tt way. I still want to be sincere and true to my expressions and words. I believe being trueful n sincere is the way to god.
Do I cherish ppl ard me? Yes, I do. However, sometimes I need a rest from blur attitudes. There are lots of probs going on in between us but non of us talk abt it. Ytd u felt sad and was scared. Karen was e only one who could comment n advice. I didnt? I only showed my care thru msg. tts bcuz our perceptions in alot of things esp when in comes to relationships are v diff. Relationships are v sensitive stuffs, I don't wish tt u wud hate me if I tell u e true. My way of settling things and doing things are quite diff. Hence, I kept my mouth shut n concentrate on my econs. What was said in e past, had been said and forgotten. I wouldn't want to repeat myself again. All e best. Be sincere n god will bring u to the truth n light.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
My day started off with worries. I was very worried for my family. All fell sick except my dad n myself. It all started off with my step grandfather. So I was rushing here n there in e clinic with my mum. She seemed as sick too and she got to look after a old man in his 80s n another 2 yrs old son. So I accompany them along. Afraid my mum would faint. Aha. Then I rush to sch. Just in time to check through my test paper. Mr Ong Poh Leng was very understanding too. He said he would still mark my attendance as present even though I was 1 hr late. Thanks!
Was rather tired after much of rush n sweatings. So wasnt in e mood n lost my appetite too but lucky Arthur n rubern was kind enough to bring me along with them. Make me practice some topics for our table topic presentation (final grading session). So ya...somehow got my thoughts off n felt better after some jokes by them. Felt v nervous but ensured myself tt laz week was a successful one n I did v well for my statistics test so I got to have confidence in myself. N yeah. I did well. Mrs Ong said it was a tough Q but I brought it out v well. Phew! My topic was "If you don't want it, don't buy it." Aha! A! Heez! But I failed my theory paper by alittle. Nvm. Think it won't affect my overall tt badly. Cheers!
Lastly, saw Mrs Ang ytd. She gave an encouraging n bright smile when we met at e lift lobby ytd. She's a v nice lady. I've made up my mind. I will do my upmost best to do well in my coming CIP exam!