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That bad feeling is back. It might be due to 2 of e NIE trs having bfs. aha! Well... Have been v close with them after getting to know them thru worksheets stuffs & then had supper n slowly it became a routine to have supper on mon & tue with them. They are great ppl but 1 of them has a bf fetching her home on mons and when I get to see them being so close... I do feel a moment of grief. Not being jealous or thinking about e past I had. It's abt reminising e past moments I had with 1.5 guy I have in my 17 yrs life. Aha!!! 1.5? Is there such thing as half? In fact no but jus its was more like a brotherhood love than a relationship. Guess we do like each other for some time but ended up pretty fast (abt 2mths) when he fell for another gal so well I he's just still not ready to settle down. Meanwhile, in between was actually my god bro who was his gd fren too. However, "gd fren". They put up a smiling face outside, but evil inside. Anyway, he was e one who stand by me all e while when I n him had quarrels n well after e broke off. By no time, we became together, it was only after a few mths tt we got together. We were labelled by frenz ard us as e most loving couple n might be able to go thru sec yrs. Yes, we were loving but pure stuffs usually falls in e trap of evil before standing up on its own feets again. As both of us get popular by frenz for individual reasons, ppl eyed for him. Aha.. He's not e gd looking guy, nor charming. He is just those who likes to hang ard with gals. So I guess he won lots of attentions ard us esp, my best fren (correction! Ex best fren). She is e prettiest in sch. Countless of guys were after her, n she used them to gain popularity.She's a gd fren in all eyes but never in mine now.She were once but I would rather make myself believe she had no choice to follow e flow to be e one doing otherwise behind my back or than to admit tt she's e one who started stirring everyone up. My close fren once said tt she thinks tt...Reason we were still together after a yr was bcuz one was possessive (me) n another wants to be possessived. Anyway, all these arent import when everything changed from tt faithful day. With eerything happening ard, he chose to left me n go with flow to bitch me. Ahhh.. Anyway, its jus another chapt of my life.
I mus admit he made a big impact in my luv life & e 'wants' in relationships. The hard side of me wud be, I want to meet him when he ask. I want to give him1 tight slap for everything. I wouldnt cry but look satisfied & firm as I turn & walk away. As for my soft side, I'll choose to run away from him, from everything there has got to do with my sec sch.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
I received my timetable this morning before I went for my piano lesson. Weird. I actually felt v neasy laz nite n couldnt even get to slp & this morning I got it y I had this discomfort. My timetable was rather a disadvantage to me. It clashes with my working hrs on mon, tue & fri. Funny part is that on days like wed & thur, Im like so damn free lah.. I end sch at ard 2-3pm repectively. Aha... Although it might be abit tiring to wake up early in e morning for sch everyday but I think its ok lah...As long we can end earlier but haiz...Hope Jeffrey is ok to let me carry on working for him. I dont wish to add on e burden to my mum. To learn piano & be a gd pianist is my dream. I dont wish to give tt up. I would go on learning till I really cant afford n there r no ways to help it. aha!
Sometimes I felt tt I want more attention & love from my mum. Althou, I know she do mean it & she is jus bz but sometimes when Im jus emotionally down, I damn hope tt my mum is there for me. Maybe it sounds like Im a mommy's baby still but I dont feel so. After so much these yrs, from a broken & shattered relationship I had, from countless failed frenship & recent op, I've realised tt mum's love is e special & endless one. Yeah, sometimes its stupid of me to find a guy to gif me e love & care I want but its never e same. I understand that my bro is e one who needs all e attention now. So to prevent me to feel worst, I've put all my heart, mind, love & feelings to my bro. I'll love, care, educate n give e best to my bro. He's a man who will make a diff in my life. A man who will be younger than me for 15 yrs yet has a special blood relation. I really love him n ya... to think tt having a bro spices up ur life so much, takes away all ur sadness & disappointment in life which I encounter.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Im feeling terrible e whole of today. I had a bad ache from my shoulder to my head, causing a bad headache. Yet still, I carried out my duties v well today. I finished all my sortings & paper work ard 5pm & went down for my dinner nicely. Had porridge..Simple meal cuz afraid might feel like vomiting n aha...forgot to bring my medication along. When I got back, Jeffrey was there already. Wow... He actually hope that I can stay on to work for him even after my sem starts. Yeah, I do hope to cont work for him but jus saw my IS module timetable. Only for tt module is 1-5pm. I dont think Jeffrey would still agree to it, but there's still hope if mon & tue are not affected. Pls man!!! I dont mind in e morning! haiz...
Thursday, September 14, 2006
I cant tolerate the disgusting feeling of being nausea for a week or so. Ytd nite was one of e worst nite which I have experience before.I couldnt eat my dinner. Char siew noodles n I only ate char siew. Idiotic. Worst, half of e day with ian & karen, I was damn tired that I didnt talk at all. Haiz.. Stupid insomia causing me to only sleep at 5am tt day n woke up at 9. Sianz... So going to the doctor today not tolerating it any longer.
It's friday tml. After months of hard work, tml will be the result day. 9am the results will be out thru sms I think but I guess I will off my hp until I wake up for work n not let it disturb my slp n interupt it. Aha! Im desperate in hoping I will pass my Bstats. Haiz..
He added me on frenster. Hoping tt I would accept it.. Well...Im still pending over it, but y do I have to add him? It's the past already rite. Furthermore, we broke off for abt 2 yrs already. Nono...I doubt we can be frenz again. Esp, after what had happened. If Im a bitch, ya a jerk. What I cant forget are actions of urs. I can forgive & have forgaven but as a cancerian borned me, Im one who is able to forgive but hard to forget. So tell me, can we still be frenz if these memories or nitemares still remain in me? Or maybe u r jus trying to help shien to try? Y must I add her? Im a MIA to chr mates. Im not coming out for any reasons. I wouldnt add her nor u..
Hurts are done... Although time has passed, but hurts still stays. U went left, n I went right. Our roads will never meet again...
Saturday, September 09, 2006
I have finally understood what you meant by having a windfall after this week. I felt puzzled yet comforted myself by taking tt u are going to get ur salary by this week. However, it only e to my realisation that u was refering to GAMBLING. I was on my way home ytd when e mrt passed by kranji mrt station. Damn many "uncles", "aunties" and "drinkers" who gushed in. Full packed the whole mrt with alcoholic smell n foul language. I felt weak that moment. So all that u can say n do is gambling. Never for once u can do something that is based on ur effort. Do u know Im that desperate that I told myself if you are actually earning $ with ur own effort thou its illegal, I would even think its ok, but its more than tt afterall. Feeling so disappointed...
Hummp! laz nite...I didnt dream of any nightmares but I dreamt of my prince charming. Heez! I dreamt of my adult life. How is like to be attached & get married. Aha... The feeling is definately diff from being attached now. Esp, when u dont have study burden. Wow...aha! but that have to be a few yrs later n thats if someone wants me! aha! that of cuz in condition I also want tt guy! aha...thats lame...but v true... aha! hmm....mum treating kfc later...god! Fattening! :( got to use uzap e whole day I guess...aha!!!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
It's coming to the end of my 2nd week working at mind stretcher. Getting firmilar with the beats of the work there. However, monday is always tiring... The cleaning of the whole center gives me lots of aches on my spine n back but thats ok after a few days... In fact, I do feel a little sense of satisfactory when I saw & feel the whole place clean and tidy. heez! That's the happy part of house chorus. Aha! Um...As for tue is a slpy day.. Y? Cuz nothing much have to be done until evening. So I was reading my novel until 5pm then I started work when I realised pri 1 prep worksheets for weekends classes have not been prepared yet. So did all photocopying n so on.... And when Jeffrey came in, I had even more work to do...Printing n printing... Friday will be sorting out of wks man! I like that as prefered to mon... Tiring! aha...
Anyway, going to meet mdm yam & wee later... Looking forward to see them man! aha! well... Hope to enjoy the dinner to e fullest. Both of my dear trs man!
Was reading magazine when I came across my horoscope for the week. It was said that I will be bothered with my expectations in my love life n thats quite true. Recently, I have been thinking it thru. Whats e real things n qualities that Im searching for? Sensitive? Income Stable? Matured? Older? In fact, its hard to ge all qualities in one guy. I have always been dreaming for my perfect love, e best one for me but is this what I really want? And when I was thinking thru something struck me... Im still young, I guess there isnt a need to think this now! aha!!! Anyway, God has planned all for me. No use being frustrated over it. Aha!!!
Saturday, September 02, 2006
I guess... I think fever is on it's way to attack me. I'm always attack with bad headaches & body achings after a night slp or even a short nap. Apart from those aches, I'm always haunt with nightmares whenever I slp! Does this mean that my brain is over working that it couldnt stop working /thinking even I'm slping? Anyway, I ate muscle relax pills jus now. Really hope I will be able to have a gd night slp later.
Anyway, I enjoyed myself for e laz few days. Wed I went out with that woman who jus got attached! Stupid...She supposed to be my lez partner!!! Sob... Nvm! I still have shuhua. Aha...madness lah...Had fun with her. She accused me of causing her to spend $, but I think it was her who tempt me in buying in e first place. Stupid Gal...
Thur, I went out with kaijun. Another mad day... Watched 2 movies in a goal... Aha! Thanks for e dinner. Guess if wasnt e dinner, it would seemed to me that I didnt eat anything or much for e whole day... Aha! Cool man! I want to go on diet! Aha...My dream weight is 45kg! heez... Anyway...wish me gd luck
Any one know of any effective det meals? aha!!!