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I'm feeling very demoralised now. On thur nite while mum was giving tuition, we were discussing abt my piano lessons. I brought up what Mdm Chan had said last fri. Guess what I receive from her? "Don't go. U are not up to it". How did I feel? I was taken aback with her words. What is she trying to tell me? That Im lousy? Yes, Im. So are u happy with this respond? From a confident gal in her piano to someone who feels demoralised & hard to concentrate infront of the keyboard? I love Music. I love my piano. Why am I working so hard in the center? I want to have my own income so tt I can support my own dream & what I want to pursue with. I may not be the best pianist, but Im trying hard. Ppl compares with each other & Im just in grade 5. It's fine, thats bcuz Im not as rich as them to start learning since young. Have u thought of the changes in pieces Im dealing with now? In the past, what are my awarded pieces which I have played? Forbidden love? Final Fantasy X? Xiao Wei? The Entertainer? Give Thanks? Pieces by Richard Clayderman? Have u realise something? They are all expressive songs? In order to have them well played & pleasent to ears, all u need is the right mood, character, feelings & flow. However, what Im dealing with now is pieces of sonatina. This requires strong scales, techniques, articulations, stamina & strength yet not over done. I'm trying to over come all my weakness. These qualities are never my strength. Sometimes I get frustrated that I get achings on my hands but I ignore. What have u done then? Said things tt demoralised me & affect my focus. I couldnt play well jus now. Everything was in a mess. Tears fell on e black & white keys.. U care?
I love u alot & so when hurts are formed or created, it definately hurts more than outsiders. Cuz we both have e same blood flowing in our body.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
First week in sch after a long holiday of 7 weeks have been refreshing to start with. Everyone including me was feeling very excited in seeing our fellow classmates & frenz. Having able to spend time laughing, siao-ing with them is e best. aha! However, project works & tutorials are coming in very fast. Aha! Esp, for our IS modules. Our LMS & IAC proj has already started. Fortunately or unfortunately, daniel soo is in my grp. He laughed though the session in IAC. Cuz of my structuring & grammer errpr :(. Y my bro will laugh at me de! aha... Anyway, I wasalso weird la ha... Didnt know y I made so many errors here n there. To make matter worst, my lecturer is a ang mo so damn jia lat la...aha! anyway, told him my mum wants him to come for our xmas gathering. Hope he turns up... Have been a long time since all of us celebrate xmas together. Esp, after he is bz with gfs! aha...Sister is always secondary. Aha!
Proj work... How? Who will be in my grp? Ian? are u in? sob...if not...Dont know how also.. Me, Liling & Karen. Aha!
Lastly, my NIE fren told me something very killing to my wound. "Melody, no one owes u anything, neither do u owe anyone anything. The tuition center doesnt owe u anything, neither do u have e responsibilty to devote so much of ur time to keep e center going. Jeffrey needs u now to man e place thats y he wouldnt let u go yet. You have to think for urself n not others. Not always others. At e end of the day, e one u are hurting is urself, ur health & results if u cant cope well". She's a really nice fren. She did spend e time toking to me all these when she is already 25. Aha! Anyway, her words are still running thru my mind. I've made up my mind to stop worng form him n focus more time on studies but how shld I bring it to him? Jiu Shi Kai Bu liao kou rang ta dao...aha!!!
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
It has been made clear to me that boz wants me to carry on working for him even after I start my new sem next mon. So well... it's a rather gd offer thou. That's bcuz I can earn alittle more $. May it be to treat myself with some buyings or to thicken my wallet & bank account. Most probably, would prefer to save it up in my bank. So that I could have some spare cash for raining days & that i can pay all my piano fees monthly. However, can I cope? Is tough to juggle between studies & work. Esp that cleaning have to be done all mondays. I guess most likely he wouldnt let me go so easily cuz he commented that I've been doing a very gd job in cleaning. He explained that e center is v clean. aha! Haiz... But I think I hurt my spine today while doing e cleaning. Haiz! Aches...
Friday, October 06, 2006
What's next after my short break in batam? Work, studies & to strive hard in my life once again. Im tired physically cuz I got a cold so well...Im sick now...flu & cough but thats bcuz of too much of gd food! aha! anyway, I enjoyed myself alot at batam. Thats only done bcuz my brother was with me. My dad couldnt go cuz of work but with my brother, things seems almost perfect. Thou whe he gets naughty, its really horrible tt we would want to jus leave him there n go, but everything is definately worth it. When he gets very sweet & gd boy, it does melr heart. aha! Jus love him lots... Hmm.. Didnt do much of shopping there. Only bought a Guess perfume. Most of our expenses were on FOOD! aha.. Ive mus ADMIT, I THINK I HAVE PUT ON SOME WEIGHT. aha! But I enjoyed so I guess its worth it. I booked holiday inn's suite for my family, so its damn comfortable lah & damn big. Our room is just facing e swimming pool. God! Wanted to go spa too... e spa was intro by channel 8 before, but my bro wouldnt be able to wait for us sooo long...u know babies...aha! So we only went for massage & man! its gd enough... aha! I think Im ready for some fightings in life but first I got to have enough of rest & slp before anything! Heez...