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I became the typical singaporean by sitting infront of the com at 3.30pm to wait for my 4pm appt. Aha! And when finally I saw the add classes I clicked it immediately. Without thinking another second, I chose what I wanted always. I felt so happy to be able to select what I always wanted. Aha!
Have been staying at home for consecutive 3 weeks to babysit my bro. I feel so occupied with cooking, washing, playing & watching over my bother. But these 2 days, I have been doing smthing special. While I was polishing my piano, it occured to me to learn a new piece on my own. I have stopped piano lesson for a mth to babysit my bro n I felt empty not to upgrade my skills. Aha! Anyway, I took up the piece 'A special place in my heart'. Ha... Felt so comforted tt I can learn a piece on my own within 2 days. Now Im into fine tune it to as expressive n emotional song s it requires. This piece gives me a gush into past memories when u had a special place in my heart.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Im as blur as sotong I think. Guess what happened??? I went to take away breakfast with my dad jus now. So after a long wait, the atuntie gave me m food & I caught up with my dad. Then as we were eating our brunch jus now, he asked me how much was my food then I realised oh I didnt get my change from them...then I touched my pocket & realise the $5 which my dad had given me earlier on! OMG! Which means I didnt pay for my food :(. Omg!! I have sinned. Both of us were so blur & zen already. The auntie didnt realise & I have totally forgotten abt it. Aha! I feel so bad now. I will put the $3 into my church's offerings instead. I feel bad!!! OMG!!!
Hmm..Today's service was kind of a lecture to me. It's about a lady commiting adultry & the people there brought her to jesus, hoping to trick him to death as he judge her crime. If he kill her according to th country's law, people will say that he has no rights to be teaching ppl to be benevolent but if he let the woman go, they will say he is not following the laws of the countrys. So well at the end of the day, these ppl are jus trying to use the adultry case as a bridge to get rid of Jesus. So well.. No matter how gd is that person, there bound to have ppl thinking to bring u down (an suan). I guess we should learn not to hide and escape whenever problem arises. I m one who runs away from it. Cuz I know the emotions struggles I would have to face if I courageous face the current situation. So now, I have decided to face it. Forgive & Forget. Get over it & be happy aways.
I have also decided on smthing that will affect my life, future. I'm going to register for rcia & be confirmed as a catholic. Thou, my mum doesn't really think I need rcia, a confirmation peparation will do. But I think this 1 easter yr's lesson will teach my lots apart from bible study. I wanna strengthen my faith n relationship in god. 3 weeks peparation for confirmation is not the only think I need.My mum thinks I only need tt, but I think I need more than tt. If I wanna do smthing, I wanna do it well. So starting from the scratch would be the best choice. I wanna do it well!
Kaijun, thanks or all of the troubles. I appreciate it alot. Muackz!
Thursday, March 22, 2007
A copy & paste of different songs. I gives a mixture of feelings, thoughts & wants.
这样子单方面的守候还能多久
虽然你还握著我的手, 但我已不在你心中
我真的懂你不是喜新厌旧. 是我没有陪在你身边当你寂寞时候
别再看著我说著你爱过别太伤痛
我不难过
这不算什么只是为什么眼泪会流, 我也不懂就让我走
让我开始享受自由回忆很多
你的影子也会充满我生活
我并不懦弱, 你比谁都懂
虽然寂寞这会是我最后的宽容.
不要再说, 或许这是最好结果.
现在分手总好过你不爱我一拖再拖
分开你的手, 离开你左右
我向前走这会是我真正的解脱...
Silent All These.. Years Go By Will I Still Be Waiting For Somebody Else To Understand Years Go By If I'm Stripped Of My Beauty And The Orange Clouds Raining In My Head Years Go By Will I Choke On My Tears Till Finally There Is Nothing Left One More Casualty You Know We're Too Easy Easy Easy.
因为太了解所以很伤心. 没有你只好听著风的呼吸却有种叫做时间的东西说没问题最后我们会痊愈. 因为太了解我无法坚定, 这一次会要掉眼泪的决定. 有些遗憾只能一个人听. 很对不起, 我还是珍惜...所有的事情.
最爱美的人最难忘记因为还留下梦境最浪漫的人最难清醒不信谁无情
假如能像风和雨一次又疏离又亲密不问你不说的秘密快乐会不会延续
紫藤花 迎风心事日升夜降越想逞强去开了笑声就越哑紫藤花 把心栓在旋转木马能愿意不再喧哗还念念不忘旧情话
爱情在这么的故事别离而是感动的回忆让人很容易 站在原地以为还回的去
我搞不懂我们到底怎么了诚实的背后是否住着伤口.我想不透我们的爱怎么了雨下过以后是否能让什么复活.
I have this habit to do cut & paste of songs into a letter. It's the most direct n accurate way of letting go whatever you are keeping in. I had this inspiration as I saw my bro's loving & innocant face infront of me. It came upon me that keeping things simple is the beauty in life.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
I was watching this show & one of the actress lost her mum, got cheated by her bf & lost her family shop. It's terrible losing her mum, yet she is left with nth by her bf. Her bf cheated all her $. I couldn't imagine losing my own mum one day. The pain to lose $ or bf isn't as bad as losing ur kin. So I was thinking what I have lost all this while. I might have lost some, but I have definately gain some too. I am comforting myself I guess. At least, I'm not like her. I'm not 'poor thing'. I have only lost things that ain't comparable to things I have gained. All these while, since my op, my mum has always been my top piority. My studies & frenz have dropped behind the importance of my mum. I learnt a lesson after my sec yrs to cherish my family more than anything else. And for today...Now I feel that I have done the right thing. Not saying that the actress did not cherish her mum but it was her sadness that reminded me the importance of kinship.
Sometimes I would think if there's a need to even think back n feel sad of whatever you have lost? Memories might be sweet but it might be the one that turns u to a totally different person. One who only wants to protect urself & reject as the future comes upon you.
The same melody goes on with the song but the feeling is different now.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Just as I have decided in my previous entry to enjoy my holiday, my mum started urging me to find a job! She is so frickle minded lah. When I was actively looking for job, she told me to enjoy my holiday instead. Worst, I'll be getting my results tml & I have to give tuition in the morning & go for an interview in the afternoon at bugis. Think I will a dead fish tml. Tired! Today was quite tiring to all the way to outrum already. I took a cab home eventually. I'm so sick. My flu is getting me to a very tiring feel which I dont want to do anything.
I miss my frenz. I miss liling. I miss days laughing & drooling at gals with her. Wonder if she would miss me. I doubt, now that she has her xi men qing! Haiz. But I don't want sch reopen also. It would be a new yr, a new start. Thou, hope I will excel this yr esp I'm afraid my results that would be out tml might not be gd. I'm very worried for my macro econs. Haiz! I don't wish to repeat any modules, esp econs. Plssssss!!!
Yup, come to think about it, my OLD frenship with my OLD fren is more than 10 yrs! Since k2 till now...Let's count... = 11-12 yrs. Omg! We are so old already but she is older! Heez! Yoz man...Someone celebrating her 21st birthday this yr lah..I mus rmb to wish u!
Sunday, March 11, 2007
It's holiday, I have decided to settle down & enjoy my holidays instead of actively hunting of a job. Aha! How do I pass my time?I bz myself with hse chores (Esp bcuz my maid had been sent back), reading novels, giving tuition, watching youtube on wang da dong & grp & TV. Aha! My mum said that I'm going to becum a TV potato. However, somehow no matter what I will still do reflection on my past & NERVOUS of my upcoming results. Hmmmmmmm...
I was thinking who m i? What m I? Who m I outside? & Who I m inside? There's a song called 'Reflection' & there it goes.."Who I inside?When will my reflection show? Who I m inside?" Somehow I think Im changing to someone who doesnt have a reflection of my outer self to my inner self. I don't know in the past I always think I'm what I'm inside. Maybe split personality like one of my ex classmate who described me. One side of me, I can be very active, cheerful & mad but another side of my I can be very stucked up & Arrogant. There are many times I get very emotional. Which is the real me? Or m I jus changing myself according to the environment? I'm still yet to find out the true of this. Maybe as this holiday passes, I will understand myself better. It is said that outsiders sees u clearer than u do. Is it true? We can act & put a different front to outsiders to make them think likewise however we certainly don't feel it that way. I guess we can never judge anyone nor comment anyone. Cuz it's never accurate. Judgement of people shouls only be done on our judgement day. With that said, I want to stop myself from judging people ard me. This goes for my parents too.
I feel left out by my family. This isn't the same as those who has siblings at home & are fighting for attentions. For me, Im a grown up as compared to my 3 yr old bro. I have my own life & I could tc of my day to day activities. & maybe there are times what they give isn't what I need. I have been actively bitting my finger nails every min. I'm feeling emotional, unstable,uncertain, insecure & nervous. Aha! These are the true psychological reactions of bitting finger nails. Maybe it isn't my family but there's an emptiness in me. What's that I'm looking for, yearning for? Veron asked:" BGR?" I thought & no is my ans. BGR doesn't mean I won't feel empty & lonely anymore. What's that I want?I saw wang dong cheng's blog & maybe he is right. Perfectionist do often CHENG QIANG. Even though if u are uhappy, u still tell urself that happy. I don't wanna admit defeat to anything. I might be emotional & weak at times but there is astrong side deep down in me that I will still stand up no matter what strikes me. I always ask for confirmations from frenz to build up my confidence, but from today onwards I wanna train myself to have confidence in myself naturally. Reason being my faith, heaven & achievements are all on my own hands. Everything is possible with the belief in god.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
I was out with Nicole ytd at Marina Sq. Seems like I have been there quite a few times after my birthday celebration laz yr. Aha. Anyway, it was fun! We went K & had a mini S.H.E concert. aha! We actually keyed almost all of SHE'S songs. aha! Cool. At least there is someone who could sing their songs with me. Heez. After that we went to eat Carls J. We shared a burger combo. Aha. Not bad huh... But I had hunger pangs near 1am in the morning. Aha! We took a pic before we left Marina too. Heez. We looked great in it. Aha... Suprisingly i look gd too. Bet I was very happy that day. aha
Hope I would receive a job interview tml. aha!!!
Saturday, March 03, 2007
I have been at home almost the whole of this week. I went to Recruit Express on wed & received a call from there ytd giving me a hope to get a job that will occupy me for a mth. I was told that my resume was sent to them & that the company will ring me to fix for an interview or something like that. However, I think they don't operate on saturdays & that the mail was sent too late ytd so I guess I would have to be around my hp 24/7 on mon. Aha! well..It sounds quite gd from the agent. Its at novena, admin job. So wish me gd luck & all e best!
Hmmm.. Laz episode on hua yang will be out tml in taiwan. Which means Im able to watch it on mon too! Aha. Looking quite forward to it cuz Im very curious what drove XiuYi to the rooftop? Well, I'm a weird person. All my frenz are crazy for wu zun esp bcuz he is the main lead but I prefer Wang Dong Cheng. He's so hot & cool. The feeling he gave me is that he is very passionate inside him. Jovious actor in Hua yang & I guess his acting is the best apart from mei tian. These days I occupied my time looking articles, mtv & clips regarding him. Aha. I feel stupid la ha. The whole boy band doesn't catch my attention at all but only wang dong cheng spike off everything.
Going to my 2nd step auntie house. Another round of gd food & another week of starving & deprived of my fav sweet stuffs.