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First week of sch was ok to me. Expected but felt the stress from all the new modules. Esp like FMS, I don't even know what the lecturer wa talking about. I couldn't catch up with his pace. I skipped AAA so I didnt have a clue on tt either. Well in any ways, Im uncertain if I was trying to run away from school or just that my mind & heart have not settled down to work. Somehow, when I get back home, my room after sch this week, I would cherish so much that I can't wait to do the things I like to do at home. I like the freedom to be myself. I like the comfortable feelings. The sense of belonging.
I went for my piano lesson today with a bad headache. It was fine though. I didnt had much expressions but I was concentrating. Nevertheless, when it came to an emotional piece, my teacher told me I don't play as touching as my sec yrs. She felt as if Im holding back to my feelings when Im playing or maybe too much things are going through my mind that I couldnt concentrate on the mood of the song. I don't know if I would want to be so open to my feelings n emotions again. Maybe I would be another person in the future, maybe I would be the same. No one is able to tell the future, but now, the present. I would want to work hard for want I want to be in the future.
Met up with Kajun ytd. I guess in these 10 over yrs, we have never lost the chemistry between us. I feel the most comfortable. We can be ourselves. We show our true expressions & feelings. I don't hide anything from her. We talk anything under the sun. We crap like nobody's business. I guess that's the difference of having a long old fren. We had conflicts when we were both still in our pri sch but there isn't anymore since we started sec sch. I feel blessed to have her frenz. Somehow, unknowingly I have another sister(apart from veron) always there to crazy with me. Kaijun, jia you! & All e best in ur coming exams.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
I & mum went to rent 'Men Tu' today before bringing nick to the doctor. I was so anxious to watch Louis's acting n mum was crazy over Andy. Aha! The movie felt very real. I like the last part. Daniel wu wanted to start his first intake of drug when his adopted daughter came to snatch away the syringe n hug him. The story was why ppl resort to drugs? N he came out with the reason was to fill the emptiness in the heart of urs but then again was it emptiness or drugs more terrifying? Everything in this world has two sides. It's really how we see it. Our perception. Some may think drugs are more horrible but some may think emotional torture such as the emptiness in the hearts are worst. So how should we justify at the end of the day? In fact there is no definate ans. Similarly, I was thinking if the concept applies to most of the things ard us, then y are there lawyers n judges? I guess it's all abt whose the stronger side. The stronger sides win & have it as the ans, the overall opinion.
So back to the same square, how many things we have done had been took otherwise? Are we able to explain n correct all? No, we can't. Somehow, the stronger side would be the winner. Again, is life all abt winning & losing? Is putting ppl to death or judgement the way of winning? Are we ppl the ones who can really judge others? And so, will we ppl live in the shadow of others? I question myself again n again? I know the ans down there cuz the bible says so. But y isnt many mankind doing along his act? I believe I have to start being one to see the world clearer. Looking forward to the first lesson of RCIA.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Will be resuming sch in less than 2 weeks. Looking quite forward to sch I think cuz there are some things Im really keen to learn. Coming to think abt it. My schedule would be very tight after the sch reopens. I have two tuition students now esp 1 is preparing for Os. I have my own piano lesson. I have RCIA class too. Plus, all my lectures, tutorials n work. Oh ya, n e peparation for my tuition lessons. Omg! Aha. Believe this year 2007 will be a pack but meaningful yr. I have many goals this yr thou. Most importantly, is to strengthen my faith in church. Then hopefully I would be able to be confirmed by next easter. Finally I have made the first step to improve my relationship with my religion. As compared to when I was young & took everything for granted tt I was baptised. This round, I want to earn to be one.
Lastly, Kaijun shall we meet next week for an outing before I resume back to sch? Keep me informed. See ya.