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I'm angry of myself. I'm angry of my character. I have been learning to change since sec 4. Close frenz sees that and encourage me to keep up the good work. However, there is one which I have realised it only after I started my education in Ngee Ann. I'm always hoping to seek approval from ppl around me. The fact that I ask ppl for instance, m I fat? Is a sign of inferior, no confident and reliance of others views/comments to assure myself.
For instance, I was totally down today for not being appreciated for everything I have done. phew. It feels like Im gonna blow out n complain... Anyway, I have done everything all I ask is to receive ur call and collect it from me. Is tt so diff?
According to the bible, we shouldn't expect any returns from other because Jesus love and forgive us unconditionally, yet he doesn't ask for any returns. Hence, in our daily lives we shouldn't expect any returns too but I still feel so sad and Im angry of myself for having such feeling.
All is done. All is said. Time has passed. Footstep were the only thing left. Do u know why I left? Do u know why Im not gonna bother abt it either?
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
I just can't get better from the virus, not saying to recover. I feel on & off feverish. I am actually wondering if I'm just stressing myself too much. I'm suffering from bad headache & on and off giddiness. Haha.. What if I really faint. haha! Most importantly, I feel so tired always these few days. No matter how long I slp doesnt seem to help me. I can't focus or concentrate in my work with all these. I have a report due this friday. I have 7 Qns of Credit management to present this fri. I have 3 uncompleted EC workshop. I'm all behind time in EC. I have been so worried for EC. haiz...
First paper for common test is on a saturday, 8 Dec. Haiz. How on earth are we getting time to study for common test when the lesson goes on as usual without any study break? Not even one day. haiz! Worst, these 3 modules that have common test are modules which Im not really confident and on track. Gosh...Im really so scared of everything.
I hope I will recover soon so tt I could deal with all of these work personally and not drag!
U hurt me alot today. What do u mean by the word 'again'? Forget it! If u see it as a hassel and not my effort to make sure u don't have all the lecture notes then so be it. U didn't mean it but have already done it to me. Maybe I'll shall get my fren to pass u the notes instead.
Xin tiao ying wei mei you ni bu neng tiao
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
As usual, I skipped my EC lecture esp hen there isnt blaw lecture today so I actually end at 11 am. So arranged an outing with my fren & N. Hmm... It was crazy...Three woman in a room that occassionally be very bright like morning & sometimes dark like night has fallen. All thanks to my fren. Anyway, it was a blessing to have two dearest fren beside me. From pt to pt, frenship songs makes me feel like crying as I was very touched. haha!
Had New York for our dinner with N. It was our wish since 2 sems ago I guess. It was fulfilling and very bloating. HAHAHAHA! Then we went to Esplanade for a walk and appreciated a pianist who was singing as well as playing. She's wonderful!
I Pointed towards the Commercial building: "I must work there when i grow up". That's my dream since I was young & didnt know it was N too. So let's work hard together to achieve that one day we could work at the same district and stay in contact.
Kaijun, dont forget to return me my novels. Just remembered.
Are u misusing me? I did all for u for the sake of that what I felt but don't force me to feel that u are getting over board. Do u really appreciate? Try harder to make me feel that way pls. Thanks.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Whoo. It is a holy week for me I guess. On usual days I would need to go to church on tue for RCIA and sun for obligation sermon but this week. There's an addition 2 obligation day on thur and fri. I went for wed (the eve mto avoid crowd) and today but that's not all. I still have to go Auntie Susan's hse tml to help her prepare sunday's church canteen food. It's our turn to prepare the stalls in the canteen for morning breakfast for all attending the church. So its like Im in n out of the church 5 days a week, nono. 4 days a week cuz tue I was sick. haha!
This week...I would say it isn't too bad for me. Maybe sometimes when I need to let go, I should. What is not within my control should also be let go so that things can progress as it is. Sometimes, forcing something to be ur way doesn't seem to be gd for all parties. So why not just keep it to urself and let others be happy. It's me that has the prob in. At times, I really demand myself too much. So much so that I wish that I could slow down my speed this sem & really enjoy my study life and maybe frenz ard me.
I wouldnt want to think too much but I know when I fall there's someone there to catch me. Though we couldn't be in the same class for the whole of our yr 2 but I thank god that u have always treated me as ur close fren. Ur presence today was what I needed the most. Though it was a short 20 mins, but it was sweet and comforting. Thanks to both of ur frenz too.
Kaijun, don't know why there's such a willingness between both of us for such a long time. I could give u my time and make white lies to acc u n u could actually come over to my sch immediately after I msg u to acc me for lunch. im so touched. Esp, I believe we have a wonderful time. Esp, drinking bubble tea (Something I haven been drinking for ages... Really...It has been few yrs since I ever drink such sweet & exp stuff. haha!