Navigations are at the top.
bold italic underline link
Mum says its all my fault that my I have to always be the one to complete all my projects. What is this?! Do u mean Im the one not allowing my group members to not do anything?! I give time time time but what do I get back? Last minute work then I have to stay up very late to complete. Or maybe I should let someone else lead and die together with that group when everything is slip slop work and get that kind of grades which I will wanna commit suicide? What is this...I put in so much effort for what...There are times I only need someone to listen to what I feel its unfair to me but at the end of the day I will still complete the task well and have it ready for submission.
Since she say so, then fine, Im in the fault. I shouldnt have been so perfectionist. Maybe next sem whatever it is I just let it be and really not expect anything? It's not a question about stress anot cuz I have tame down quite a fair bit this semester but still...haiz. I reallt dont wish to say anymore. Im tired.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Do I look like someone whom I do not need any care at all? Don't ask me go searching for a boyfren just because of my statement. That's not the point.
Do I look like I don't need care, concern and attention at times? Honestly, I feel neglected at times. Maybe because family thinks that I have grown up so we should't be as close as when I was young. Also I do feel like a light bulb when out with my family. Somehow its more like dad, mum n nick is a family. Well. I shouldn't feel and think this way but it feels terrible at times. Or maybe Im just not ready to grow old. I want to be showered with care, concern, love and attention from family members. At times I really wanna heed what my frenz say go get a guy so tt he can look after u but what is my objective? If I really want to be with someone, that would be love and the willingness to commit and be responsible to that guy and not simply because I want someone to care and love me if I lack that from time to time by my family.
Apart from family, frenz are the same at times. Many say I take after my mum who has an arrogant and "dao" look externally but that does not mean I have a cold heart and not need any emotions support. The more I look strong upfront, the more frenz around me thinks i might not need that much of care but then again...Although Im forcing myself not to be emotional and true enough Im able to control myself better now but then Im still human. We need care n concern to go on.
Jesus says we should not be attention seeker. Even though the moral world does not care, concern and love u, I do love u. I guess i need more time to adjsut the thought of lessening myself and increasing more of him in my life.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
In a few hours, I will be going through the rites for confirmation as a catholic. I'm getting more n more nervous. Usually at this time Im out of house, on my way to church for morning chinese mass but Im glad we don't have to today cuz parents will be attending my confirmation mass that is also counted as their sunday obligation. So I will be attending 10.15 am mass for the breaking of word with RCIA then have lunch. I appreciate so much for Auntie Catherine's help. She offered to help me keep my white dress in her car cuz my parents are unwilling to reach the church slightly earlier to bring my dress along cuz if I wear that whole day, its very likely that I will dirty it, especially I will be having lunch with my frenz between the two church activities.
Wed, EC presentation was gd but somehow I don't feel the satisfaction I have after every completed project. I guess it's because I didn't do anything yet still receive the results. I hope that wouldn't happen again. The feeling of guilt is terrible. Anyway, Auntie came to meet me n LL at canteen 1 for lunch. It should be us treating her but she say she as a working adult cannot ask students to pay lah. haha! Then she drove me ard the sch with her new bmw. Somehow I feel diff as compared when I sat in my uncle's bmw. I guess the influence is so different when is a woman is driving a bmw n not a man. Haha! Then we went taka for shopping. Goodness. We went in to branded shops which I personally wouldn't dare to step in. Still, I enjoyed my day on wed! It's so different as compared to the auntie that talks abt financial and economics whenever we settle down. haha! She's going HK for an interview ard mar-april. She say I could tag along so I wouldnt need to spend on lodge. Most likely paid by company rite...So I guess shld be some grand hotel. haha. Ok, I hope the trip really come true.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
How many days more before my confirmation? 7? 8 days? Depending what time will this post be posted? Haha! Well. As the day passed, the more nervous I get. Haha. It seems to me that it isn't like exams that may or not affect my life, but confirmation does affect my life. My doings, thoughts and beliefs should be all in his will and saying. Well...Im so excited!!!
I did my confession this morning. Almost cried but I held back cuz I know i should be glad that Im finally confessing all my sins I have commited all these yrs after my first confession which was done when I was 5 or 6 yrs old before my baptism. Well. It felt great u know! A burden that was in ur heart for the past few yrs that caused me nightmare have finally loaded down.
I finally dare to go cwp and not be afraid of seeing firmilar faces. Though Im unsure if I would be able to handle the fact if I have to interact with them once again but Im sure I can face them n smile...Ihope. haha!
Auntie is coming to sch on wed after my EC presentation to have lunch with me. Then maybe we'll go shopping! haha!
Miss Nicole. Wonder how is she...Did she enjoy her trip to HK? I hope she did!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
I went for a church retreat at FMM over the weekends. I must say it's a meaningful retreat for me. I saw light! Haha..A direct translation from a chi saying that meant; Being enlightened. Nightmares that haunt me seem to have disappear. Especially the burden that is in me that restricted me in all my actions and feelings to people. Felt ashamed of my sins and the way I think usually. In conclusion of the place is that, I'm more assured to go for my confirmation on 27th Jan as a confirmed catholic. I think it really meant alot to me then just being baptised and hanging no one in the catholic faith.
Im having a bad cough, sore throat & alittle body ache. Guess its due to last week which I overwork myself without sufficient rest. Anyway, I will be just fine very soon!
No matter how evil you are to my frenz and me, I would only pray for u to treat people around u better instead of injecting such hurting comments to them. Still, u may not fear of the judgement day but it will come for everyone so let's just wait.
What is mine, will meant to be mine. If it isn't, I wouldn't force myself to make it mine. I don't depend on anything to live except the one whom has created me.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Wow! Time passes real fast! It's 2008! Looking back, I would say year 2007 is fufilling. My life of 2007 could be describe with roller coaster. I had been thru the down side but counterstrike problems and am where I am now, have what I have now. I learnt lots of things in year 2007 and am thankful to god for all these opportunities. Most importantly, I have made frenz with paper that would appreciate me. Also, maintain frenships that are so dear and important to me. In terms of project, I think Im with grp members who cooperates so well I feel so fortunate though! haha...
What's my resolution for year 2008? I guess is to have higher achievements in my acedemic and learn more+do well in my IAP (If Im selected). haha! Last but not least, my family will stay cohesive, united and loving. haha!
Holy Family week: Always remember u r no on eot judge anyone, only god can at judgement day. So whatever ur love ones has done wrong, do not see them in view of their mistakes but the person who has also love and care for u. Love them unconditionally and guide them to their right path in life.