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Finally we got to see each other after 2-3 weeks! When I first step into his hse, what I saw was a "seem like" BOY who was dressed as though he just stepped out from his bath and was trying to cover his head so that I wouldn't tease his DURIAN HAIR STYLE. Not long nor complete botak but spiky that picky when its on my face. haha.
Rested at his place for awhile cuz I only slept 3 hrs and had to go through 3 hrs econs lesson on sat morning so yeah was rather tired. At the point in time, I didn't cry. In fact, I am very happy and very relieved.
We went Tampiness Mall & Tampiness One ard 4pm. We had dinner ard then (haha!) at Ding Tai Feng hoho! Nice but we didnt eat very full cuz we intended to go Tampiness one for sushi tei sashimi salad. whoa! Wonderful!!!!
Initially I told him I want to SHOP and will BUY things but he asked window shopping u mean? Then I answered NO, Shopping BUYing. The end, he was right. Though I received my 2 months pay and all but not much really caught hold of my heart. I bought a white top from osmose and then my face powder from body shop and a hand cream at Crabtree & Everlyn. I was eyeing at Rosewater fragrance for a long long time but felt it was too exp. So bought that as a reward to myself for the next 1.5 mths of hard work between work and studies.
Next, we dropped by Northpt before going home...Guess why? haha cuz last week while walking ard alone, I saw this purple bag from sembonia that was so attractive! It caught my heart! But I was indecisive as the handle was short I can't carry it on my shoulders so thought of the other one that I could carry it but felt that the design wasnt that nice. Dear got pissed off with me being soooo indecisive so simply asked the auntie; "Do you have a new one?". haha! The auntie turn to me...Dont need to see ler. BF buy for you ler. haha. Though I felt the pinch for him when he paid for me but I was very very happy. I dont expect gifts from him nor him paying for things that are expensive (in his terms). It really made me feel so fortunate. haha!!! Showed off to mum and she was suprised for the first time, I did not buy a BLACK handbag. haha! Ask nice anot but she said...I must say nice de mah bf buy de leh. haha!
He stayed over my place as discussed with mum and he immediately dosed off when he lied on the bed! Hai...He is really so tired after all these trainings. So I read his "so called" diary that was addressed to me beside him. Goodness... I cried and cried till I had to sit at my desk so that he wouldnt know but still he suddenly woke up and found me at my desk crying on my own.
In fact I really wanted to do something like that for him too but I was sooo tired after sch and work that I couldn't do anything else but to slp immediately when I reached home. Nevertheless, I'm gonna make it a pt for myself to start a diary with him and exchange over the weekend. haha but Im gonna buy a nice nice one. hehe.
Ok, I have been treating myself to alot of gd food this whole week cuz I was shocked by the decrease of weight again and maybe yes I was very happy though tired that he was finally by my side. Nevertheless, over the weekday it would be both testing our physical, mental and emotion strength once again. Still...I'm looking forward to this coming weekend cuz 6 of July is approaching FAST!
Alright, off to bed. Gd night my frenz who still matters to me; dear kaijun and liling.
Monday, June 22, 2009
It's a ME weekend. Why so? Cuz family went for holiday and dear is still confined till.......this fri!
Sat
I couldn't slp till 5am bid bye to nicky and I was rewarded a sweet kiss from him then manage to slp. Guess what? I woke up at 10.30 when my tuition starts at 9am. Glad to see my tuition boy doing his own work at the dining table. haha! He saw how tired and haggered I was and I know he tried to make me laugh and all that. haha! Anyway, WE completed Shu Qun sec A maths exam paper together and he bought lunch for me then we continued with english and alittle of e maths before I told him I really cant take it anymore but that was already 3pm! So still alright.
So I went Sembawang shopping center and tried their pedicure which is located at the highest level. Looks nice and turns out fantastic too! Maybe I was lucky cure the lady was local and we could communicate whereas there is one MIM and MIC...Really cant stand them. Anyway, enjoyed the session esp with the fact that they didnt push me to sign package with them! I was waiting but suprised she didn t promo anything. I'm glad. I told her I will bring mum the next time. Next, I went chong pang to have a hair cut and hair treatment. My hair feels so soft and smooth now! But think will have to re-perm in maybe aug or sept. haha!
Came home and printed my notes for tue's bridging course. It was so tiring cuz it was like 100+ pages for each course and right after I finish printing, I went to bed. Thought I could slp, but the cramps and pms prob, kept me from slping and in fact I broke down and cried cried cried. It was then I realised how much I missed him deeply even though I suppressed and expressed that I'm great, I'm fine! Internal bleeding!!!!!!!!!!! haha.
Sun
Woke up for church and bible study. Was pressing for time. Changed bag and just before I step out of the hse, I realised I didn't have my keys! I locked both the rooms already! And don't know why I was lured to the alter and when I opened the drawer, I saw the master key pouch mum told me about! I opened her room, n used the key in her room to open my room. haha! PHEW!
My auntie came for visit after bible study and by then I was damn tired and nursing with bad cramps. Came home rested awhile and cont with house work.
My weekend has ended and a stressful schedule is coming up starting from this week till August.
Monday - Work 12- 10pm.
Tue - Study 8-11, work 2-12 midnite
Wed- Study 12-3, work 4-2pm
Thur-Piano 12-1pm work full london shift
Fri-Study 12-3, work 4-2pm
Sat- Study 8.30-11.30, then meet my darling!
I can't wait for this week to end! I miss him! I miss my mum & bro who is in vietnam now!!!!!!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
If I have to describe my week with one word, I would describe it as fast
Monday, I was woken up as early as 8am by the contractor who is re-doing up my kitchen cabinet but stayed put on my bed till 10am when I no longer can tolerate the noise. So I went to work with dark eye rings. Of cuz, I called mum immediately abt it cuz I saw 2 MIM men in my hse w/o the maid and step grandfather with me slping in the rm that is unlocked. Mum asked me to go over dear hse to stay o/n.
Tuesday morning, I felt great pain when I go to the toliet and I felt very unwell that dear was so worried and keep emphasing me to consult the doctor. In the beginning, I was very resistance abt it, but as time goes by I felt even worst so he accompanied me to a clinic near his hse before I leave for work myself. I felt so comforting when he held my hands tight while waiting even though he ahd calls to pick up on and off. When my hands turned cold, he looked at me with that ever comforting face.
Wednesday morning, woke up ard 10 and saw my own grandfather sitting outside observing the kitchen work done with the friendly face unlike the other one like a principal. I walked to the one who took care of my since young and when he saw me he smiled and wrapped around my waist. It felt like a 7 yr old gal and called "silly gal" by him.
Thursday morning woke up at 7am, after slping at 4am cuz I was working london shift on wed, but requested to work apec on thur. Was suprised I was able to wake up and omg the office was sooooooo empty! haha. Lucky sw was there too. She worked london on wed too so both of us acc each other to be zombie of the day but she was worst. Maybe cuz Im young, I was still bz since I stepped in till 7pm even though london and NY market has not started yet. haha! After work, went to his area for dinner then went over his plc. This time his brother asked mon she came to stay o/n, cuz she saw 2 MIM men, today leh? she saw 2 indians ar? haha!
Night time, I was massaging for him. He was lying flat so when I was massging his back, I was crying very badly and he teased me saying he felt his aircon suddenly leaking when I massage him. Well, he knew it even though I tried to avoid sniffing. I was so damn worried for the upcoming uncertainties we might have to face but he is so positive. I guess that is what a scout leader should be ba.
Fri, woke up early at 7am with him. Seeing him getting ready and then had his breakfast. Followed his dad's car and I was suprised his dad told his auntie dont have to go down cuz melody will take gd care of him rite, I just smile it off. Seeing more and more guys like him with their parents with them. At least his god sis and her bf is there to send him to tekong ba. I cant; not enough coverage for london shift. I didnt shed a single tear even till he board the bus but until we kissed and I say bye. The moment I turned my back, my eyes turned red. I tolerated till I reached bus the tears just rolled down. Msg afu and he told me ns men's welfare are their concern now so worry less ba. haha. So I booked him next weekend. Might finally get to see their new 4 level house. Not that I can't be alone. I'm independent. Just that I would most likely stay in my rm which would make me think about him and cry more. Every part of my rm has trace of him. Parents going holiday so I thought the best is to visit my grandparents and see the hse which mum have already went countless time! haha!
When I reach office, everyone started asking me how are you? I act blur huh why ask? Cuz I thought only sw know since I have to apply apec shift with her. The end the blurp out...The enlistment thing...then I bla out...I almost cried out and all that lor... I was rather bz today so I was still fine but when I was listening to radio in the night, some songs does bring my emotions out. goodness...Well...Receiving his msg saying he is fine is the best msges I could receive till 26 June 2009!
Btw, his plan for mum's basc excusion was a great success!! I'm so happy! hehe!
Maybe at the end of the day what ppl says abt having a bf esp when u are studying or working, you will lose smthing. Maybe my health is still like that, but sig, I lost my network of frenz. Face the reality melody.
Friday, June 05, 2009
It is coming to be the end of another week. It definitely does affect me emotionally to the extend that I can't breathe. In a week's time, I will have to go through that sudden seperation with someone and in two weeks time, I will need to cope between studying and working at the same time. It won't be easy for me physically and emotionally. Many colleagues worry for my health while I worry if I can cope and if I could have time to study apart from working, lessons and preparation for my upcoming piano performance on 18 July. In fact I do worry I will fail my bridging exam. Well…Seems like the word "worry" appeared countless times in just 1 paragraph! That shows one thing, I'm indeed miss worry.
Starting school without any friends I know seems scary as I have to start all over again in networking. It is never easy especially when you know politics could be something very serious that could kill you. Oh well maybe I will be too dead to even network during my bridging course when I have to study in the morning and work in the night. Well. See how much I can tolerate. Maybe I will lose a lot of weight of maybe I will gain a lot of weight if I consume too much carbo for energy. Haha.
My life seems going rounds and rounds and sometimes when I sit down and think I will feel confused and tear. Nothing seems right no matter at what perspective I'm looking at. Sometimes I don't know why am I into such situations when I was told not to. Maybe that's the consequences of curiousity or the incapability to refrain from temptation.Of course I hope it will never be found but maybe how I feel inside me is causing myself the pain and confusion from time to time.
How does it feels like when you feel that you are a lightbulb in occasions?
How does it feels like when you feel left out?
How does it feels like when you are asked to be there but your presence was not taken seriously?
How does it feels like when suddenly you are doing things for the sake of doing because there are no alternatives left?
How does it feels like when you are left with no more baits and have to take orders and be the controlled one?
How does it feels like when you feel insignificant?
How does it feels like when you are losing your fighting spirit?
How does it feels like when you are losing hope and forcing yourself never to ever look forward but to take whatever is given in life?
And so how will you react to these feelings?
I guess whatever will be, will be. Maybe I'm the worst person in the world without any collateral on my hands anymore. Maybe the end, I'm just a toy or a joke for people. Maybe at the end, I could disperse into the thin air that could never be found.