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I HAVE SHIFTED TO http://melody-heng89.livejournal.com/
Friday, August 21, 2009
Just came home from a massive shopping in Body Shop. I was intending to spend another $100 by buying my own basic necessities so that my renewed membership will be 15% instead of 10%. hehe. HOWEVER, with my mum around we bought and bought till it sum up to about $200+. The young gal who was attending to me was soo happy. haha! Well my mum is really the "Fortune" in the eyes of many sales gal.
Yesterday I rented the movie "Another cinderella story" to watch. The reason I was attracted to this movie was that dear was litening to the song of this movie when I saw the shots that its about dancing! Yup so was kinda attracted to it too. Hmm... I was rather tired but satisfied with the shop. There's some essence of the fairy tales The Cinderella but this had added the essence of dancing. Watching the show reminded me of ONE thing; My hunger for dancing. I have always like dancing but I chose Piano over dancing.
In my sec sch yrs, there's a gal whom I have always been used to compare with. May it be from appearance, body, academic results, interpersonal r/s, being the "typical" gal with her voice and obviously Im inferior to her BUT I guess the main thing that I'm turned my back against her because she signed up for hip hop dance with the other of our click. Apart from the fact that it brought them closer and I was left out but it's more feeling damn left out that I see people who are able to do something that I have been dreaming about too but being pulled back because I have chose piano and I have to stay faithful with this choice. I don't deny that my interest in piano is still presence but that doesn't mean my love for dancing isn't around. It started all in my pri years when I was learning dancing with my mum. Those was the best times I guess.
It's our First Anniversary tml and I really have not got the gift done!!! I'm kind of dead! Dear got me a soo kee Diamond necklace!!! But his gift isn't ready. My mum heard it and shake her head and u ar u ar... haha! Aiya... Really no time mah. Haiz. Alright, gonna prepare for tuition stuffs later. Hope to enjoy my dear alot tml!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
It has been some time since I have updated my blog. I guess I was bz with cleaning my room last fri and spending time with my dear over the weekend till today cuz he was unwell and had mc till today.
Last fri, I had new ceiling fans installed for my room, living room and step grandfather' room and mum had a new lovely bedside lamp too. Nicky was left at home with me too cuz mum said he was very tired and he has hardly stayed home with me since I started my attachment with CS. So yup I agreed to let him be with me at home and I can really feel since the day of my last day as contract staff till now, my biggest return is to have a stronger bond with him. He is closer to me now BUT OF COURSE he is even closer to "NORMAN KOR KOR". Last wed, after seeing him on mon he started telling me "Jie Jie I miss norman kor kor very much leh" haha! This small little boy...Anyway, I had to clean my mum's room first cuz of those drilling as nicky walks ard the room for toliet. Next, I think I spent alot of time with my own room cuz I had to install the new printer and made sure its fine before I use its box to throw the old spoilt printer. I guess I practically spent the whole day cleaning my room. haha!
Sat, I went Ikea and Giant with family as I waited for dear to book out. He reached home ard 7+ and dad fetched him from simei to watch a movie at cwp. Actually he wanted to go home though it was passed mid night but my sudden bad stomach ache made him stay and acc me through out the night. It was the side effects of the chinese medicine I'm taking. I thought it was just clearing.
Anyway on sun, we had mac breakfast! Oh so sweet right? hehe. Then he sent him to church while he goes back to be with his family. I went home to watch NDP and went over his hse to spend time with one another though we had a tiff then. In fact both of us are at the verge of blowing out our temper! But somehow we manage to cool down when we reached home and read his "love letters" that were written to him ihn the past in the aircon room. In fact, the bad stomach ache came back again and guess what..The SICK is LOOKING AFTER the SICK. haha!But his method of putting a bottle of hot water on my tummy helps alittle with the bad pain but then just feel very comfortable.
Mon, DEAR MADE BREAKFAST FOR ME!!! haha!!! He prepared ham, egg and 1 slice of bread and woke me up by bringing the fragrant breakfast into the aircon room! I ate my breakfast at 11am and then we left home ard 12.30 to consult the chinese doc abt my stomach aches at Toa Payoh and she said my tummy is just too weak to take 3 times a day so I will cut down to suit my stomach condition. Hmm Actually someone wanted to treat me to Fortune Rest but wah...Dont feel comfortable then so we settled down at Crystal Jade. Then we went back to tamp polyclinic for him to check his cough and then he acc me to tampiness mall to buy mum's birthday gift.
In fact I have already seen it but thought of walking ard to cfm if that's my best choice so the end after seeing all the jewel store, I still settled at SK. It's a diamond ear stud ear ring. $200+. Not very exp but it's something which I wanted to get for her with my hard earned $ in cs. Next!!! Someone gave me the green light to buy me a heart pendent necklace as 1st anniversary gift but condition Soo Kee is the last stop cuz he is VERY TIRED. haha! There was 2 necklace which I cant made up my mind and both are $199 only until the lady showed me a $500 one! hehe! That was when I really went wow and my eyes glowed. I guess I saw a difference in his expression when he saw me wearing that too! hehe! So the end when the lady asked whats my decision, he gave her the green light! End up instead of $199, he spent $600 together with the chain. My army boy allowance less insurance only left $300+ but he spent $600 on a gift. I'm pampered!
Just now went to collect my health report and everything is fine but I'm under observation currently. We shall see...
I can't wait for our celebration this weekend= Mum's birthday + our 1st anniversary!
Monday, August 10, 2009
This weekend though suppose to be long for many people cuz mon is a public holiday for many but it felt very very fast! Last week I was studying and doing my work while coping with pains. Sat, when I'm finally feeling better and able to be with my dear, time passed way too fast! Got to meet him sat afternoon cuz he came down to sembawang club to support nick swim. Whoa. Really makes a difference when kor kor is ard... He was so brave in the water and more daring to try to swim w/o coach carrying him. After that, we went Gain City and bought a new air con unit, all in one printer (my printer broke down after many many years since I bought it in my pri sch yrs). Dad also bought me and my mum each a new mp3 player. In fact I got a sumsung mp4 8 MB. Quite cool but no time to meddle with it now still.
After all, I went to have dinner with dear and his family and went as a family to watch the fireworks of NDP along the road. It's a one of a kind experience sia and seriously my back pain was very bad esp with all the jerking and speeding! After that we went giant and went back to his hse. He packed his stuffs and talked to his auntie till mid night while I was studying my econs in my room. As time goes by, I got more and more tired and unwell. Don't know why but I guess I threw temper on him when we were going back. Still, I had a gd night slp with him cuz whenever I stir cuz of pain, he is there to comfort and hug me. This morning nick was so happy to play with kor kor when my mum brought him to my room as a reward for him to have finish a heavy breakast.
Alright, feeling unwell this afternoon for awhile but was alright after that but now again... Feel stomach aching, back pains and nausea. My body is also feeling very weak.The only think I hope for tml is that I will be feeling perfectly well in my own well being so that it wouldnt affect my performance.
He is going for another 3 days field camp till thur night I think. I hope he will be just fine again. The next time I see him, I should have completed my studies and would focus on my health.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Today is really a bad day. All I felt was pain, pain and pain. I almost wanted to kill myself in the toliet. I can't take the trauma and torture anymore. Maybe god wants me to go through physical hardship and pain like what my dear has been going through this whole week. Starting from monday I have already been experiencing this shit and it was alright until this morning. I saw blood, leg numb and back ache. I guess it's true what the doctor said today. I'm having stones. Who wants free stones? haiz. This teaches us never to hold your bladder cuz I called my doctor in KK and she advised me that most likely it has nothing got to do with my womb so well...I'm dying cuz my organs are failing!!!
Alright, I'm being emotional and yet I have to be strong to endure all the pain and not cause my mum to worry for me further. Im so glad Eugene msg me out of a sudden today. Though I know he is just bored and I bet smthing happened between him and his gf but the fact that someone is msging me and caring for me when I almost fainted in the clinic and yet have to act like Im very cool and calm outside. Thanks to dear liling too. She called me once she had her lunch break. Goodness. Seems like whatever happens, she's someone I will fallback on. In fact, whatever is happening in my life now, she is clearer than my mum though we hardly meet or get to even chat at the same time online but somehow we got to keep in contact and know each other's life and needs.
I was struggling with my maths when trying to act calm and wait for the medication to work in my body to min the trauma and pain and I break down many times because I wasn't focus and not in the right state for study. I was so unwell physically but I pushed myself. Although as at now, I have completed my maths but I'm gonna do another chapt of macro econs and maybe revise my micro graphs before slping.
Although it is coming to the end of the week which means it won't be long before I could hear him over the phone or see each other, but I'm now hoping there is a long way to go before that cuz at least I won't break down when I hear his voice and he would be worried why am I crying or maybe it's because of him being away for all these while. In fact Im coping very well with loads of revision to do but its my health prob that is killing me. Maybe I wouldn't want to meet him to see how awlful I have become. Maybe I will keep from him the fact of what will be happening.
I will drag this conditiona and endure all till I finish my econs paper next thur. I thought I was only dragging my facial and nails appt till the end of my 2 papers but it seemed like I have to delay my health consultation too.
I only hope god will give me more time before I really collapse or the prob gets from bad to worst. Just let the prob stay where it is and don't affect other parts of me so that I can finish my exam properly. That's all I hope for now.
I was listening to this chinese song and I cried;
獨自面對 身邊沒人陪 讓我受罪 獨自面對 孤單的滋味 筑起墻圍向后退 跌倒了心力交瘁
I'm facing it alone, no one by my side. Letting myself endure the consequences of my wrongful deeds on my own. The feeling of being alone...The truth is I'm really collapsing with lots of tiredness after so much of endurance.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
My army boy is out for field camp and no contact is allowed since monday till saturday. I guess I might only get to hear from him in the night though. We were planning to meet on sat but I doubt his dad will allow though. I guess our weekend to spend quality time together is burned again even after what happened to his last book out last weekend.
Suprisingly but I'm in fact coping quite alright as at today. Maybe becaused I'm just soaking myself all into revision and rest. It has been very hot these two days causing me to have this headache especially in the night; the pain on my head felt as though my head is splitting soon. haha. I asked mum to brew the herbal tea that her colleague introduced that is very gd and in fact I like it cuz it's taste is so close to water so you don't taste bitter nor the worries that the sugar added in the herbal tea is causing your tighs to be more heavy duty as you drink. haha! Yeah, I'm taking gd care of myself by drinking loads of Cranberry and herbal tea and eat.
I thought this song is very sweet and I cried when I first hear this song. It's so much like what both of us would say to one another. Great that there is english subtitle for SOMEONE who doesn't understand Chinese songs.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
I was talking to someone on the phone yesterday and he commented that my blog is growing spider webs soon and said he do CHECK whenever he book out. Ya right, check on me. The very last thing you would really wanna do I guess.
Last night I received the worst news ever. Dear has guard duty so couldnt book out till sun 8.30am and is expected to book in on the same day night. To add on to why I'm sad isn't just because we can't meet but then we couldn't contact at all for the next whole week too as he is gonna have his field camp. Also, I thought he could go to Auntie's hse and take alook at that 4 level high house and sweet talk to me about the future we could have. In just split seconds, everything is gone. haha! Ok, I cried when I heard that but I guess I was still controlled than many other times.
Well... I really didn't mean to worry him but I just couldn't control my tears and I thought I could bluff my way through but I guess he knowing my nature, he was mentally ready to hear my sniffing. haha! What to do? Whatever it is, I have to accept and learn to live my life the best no doubt he can't be by my side at the moment.
Of course I miss him and in fact I miss him to core right now and in fact I really can't move on very fast and far without him assuring me in my abilities cuz those Economics graphs are really killing my confidence. I shouldn't have took bridging course for econs since maths is the only compulsory and essential for my further units exemption. hai.
Nevertheless, the fact that he is working hard in his physical trainings, endurance during guard duty and hardship, obstacles and tiredness in his field camp, I will work hard on my side too. I will try my very best to stay focus and put in even more effort and strength to study even though I am tired. No more naps!
Last year, we were watching National Day Parade at our own house and text-ing one another about the fire works and then you asked me out to watch the Fireworks festival with you. Will we get to watch NDP together again? And I mean sitting side by side. I know is a sun and I know it might not be possible. Maybe it will just be an empty hope.
At this pt in time, my tears are flowing though I'm trying to control...